So for those of you still hoping to vote in the Sean Hannity poll “What kind of revolution appeals most to you?” I regret to inform you it has been removed. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you can watch this clip from Keith Olbermann on Thursday night. If you have no idea who Keith Olbermann and Sean Hannity are – and if you live in the UK or Ireland or Australia or some other English-speaking country that isn’t the USA, we’re number 1, you might not – here is a brief, completely biased primer: Keith Olbermann is the liberal, endearingly loudmouthed host of “Countdown with Keith Olbermann,” which airs three times a night on MSNBC. Sean Hannity is the smirking right-wing nutjob star of “Sean Hannity’s America” over on Rupert Murdoch-owned FOX News, or as Keith Olbermann calls it, Fixed Noise, or Faux News. If you say you want a revolution, and you like voting in internet polls, Daily Kos has a kinder, gentler one here.
As usual, when one of these right-wing douchewibblers (tm Sarah Silverman) shoots off his or her yob, I find myself sitting here, staring at the computer screen, trying to suss out how much of my disgust is…I guess you could say justified, although I’m starting to think that justifying one’s feelings is sort of a bullshit concept anyway, but that’s another rant and I’m very tired. I think Sean Hannity is a xenophobic prick and I’d laugh my ass off if someone threw a pie at him and I agree that what he’s asking of his minions certainly fits the technical definition of treason. But the thing is, it’s not like I can claim I’ve never wanted to overthrow the government. And I seem to recall, in a drunken, grief-stricken haze, championing the secession of the NYC metro area from the rest of the country the night after Bush’s “re”election in 2004, although I’m not a famous TV commentator and I didn’t poll the readers of my lame then-blog to that effect. And I wouldn’t have, even if I had been a famous TV commentator, because endorsing violent rebellion is, at the very least, bad for business. Plus, it doesn’t tend to work. People have this way of remembering the violence and not the good intentions behind it, or beside it, or wherever the good intentions may be, assuming there are any.
So I don’t know how much moral outrage I can claim here without being a total hypocrite. If one of “my” guys were suggesting we use violence to overthrow the government, I wouldn’t endorse it, but I would be a helluva lot more sympathetic. And if, dogs forbid, John McCain had won in November, I can’t say for sure I’d behave like a rational adult about it. Again (and again, and again, and again, in case the FBI is still monitoring the flabtackulations of a 32-going-on-85-year-old Brooklyn slackbag), I do not, nor would not, endorse a real-time reenactment of Fort Sumter. But it’s difficult for me to sit here and go, whatever, Sean, you sore loser when I don’t think I’d be able to get out of bed if the shoe were on the other foot.
Whatever. I guess I can still call Hannity a prick in good conscience. Because he is. Not that I can’t be a prick in some contexts, but I’m “our” prick, dammit. And in that prickly spirit, I say this: Get over it, Sean. You’re a douchenozzle. The people have spoken, and for once we’ve spoken correctly.